• Skip to main content
  • Skip to header right navigation
  • Skip to site footer
NLP Assoc.

NLP Assoc.

Empowering You with Neuro Linguistic Programming

  • About
  • Events
  • Find an NLP Coach or Trainer
  • What is NLP?
  • FAQ
  • Blog
  • Video Learning
  • Connect

Top 10 NLP Tips, 10 of 10

melancholy young woman looking back at the man

I remember a time in my life when I couldn’t let things go.  I could hold a grudge for years if I felt I was wronged in some way.   The way I kept my negative emotions going is by telling and re-telling the stories of how I was wronged by someone.  Each time I relived the story, it got worse and worse as did my emotion to it.

One year my husband had something happen between himself and his boss which sparked my life-long grudge issue.  It wasn’t even something that was about me but it effected me in a big way.  I was furious.  I was angry.  And I was out for revenge!

Fast forward several years and my husband wanted to have a house warming party and suggested inviting everyone we knew.  We both created our own lists and then compared the overall master list.  There it was.  Plain as day.  The old boss’s name was on my husband’s list.  I proclaimed in a queenly type of way,

“That man is not allowed in my house.  EVER!”

To my husband, the memory of the event with his ex-boss had long been forgotten.  It was deep in his unconscious, in long-term storage.  For me, it was still in Random Access Memory.  I was still living it.  Over three years had passed and I still hadn’t let go of the incident. I refused to allow my husband to invite him to the party nor allow him to ever set foot in my house.  Why???

#10 People are not their Behaviors

When I took my NLP Practitioner Course, I learned a pretty hard lesson which took me years to accept and even longer to use.  People are not their behaviors.  It is part of the presuppositions of NLP.  My husband’s boss wasn’t his behavior.  He was a guy in a position which he didn’t want to be in and had to do something he didn’t want to do.  He was still a nice guy.  He was still honest and respectful and a good man all around.  It was the behavior I didn’t like.  It was the actions he took that were really bothering me all those years.

If it was any other person with the same behavior, I would have still been upset.  The behavior is independent of the person.  The behavior sucks.  The person is just doing the best job they can with the resources they have available.

Once I learned that, I could forgive.  Once I grasped that I could keep boundaries around behaviors and still interact with the people with the bad behaviors, I elevated myself about the constant story telling and re-telling that allowed me to stay stuck in my own dramas.  People are not their behaviors – it’s very freeing, isn’t it?

How about one last bonus tip?

Here are some other posts in the same series you may want to explores:  Tip #1 Chunk Size, Tip #2 Submodalities , Tip #3 Metamodel, Tip #4 Presuppositions,  Tip #5 Frame of Reference,  Tip #6 Complex Equivalents, Tip #7 Outcomes, Tip #8 Re-program,  Tip #9 Self Hypnosis

Category: Blog

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


Quick Links

  • About the Association
  • Upcoming Events
  • Find a NLP Coach or Trainer
  • What is NLP?
  • FAQ
  • Video Learning
  • Blog
  • Connect

Follow Us

  • YouTube

Stay Connected

For Announcements & Offers

Sign Up

Copyright © 2023 · All Rights Reserved NLPA Singapore

NLP Assoc.
Manage Cookie Consent
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
Manage options Manage services Manage vendors Read more about these purposes
View preferences
{title} {title} {title}

Insert/edit link

Enter the destination URL

Or link to existing content

    No search term specified. Showing recent items. Search or use up and down arrow keys to select an item.