This is a phrase I use a lot in my training, Other People’s Sh*t. Well, actually, I normally say, “Other People’s Stuff.” When someone asks me, “How did you handle that situation with that person?” I normally reply, “Not my stuff.”
People try to give their stuff away all the time and I don’t accept it. People try and give away their beliefs, their opinions and their rules about life and the world we live in. They think they are giving you this awesome gift. You have a choice to accept these “gifts” from others, or you can just let their “stuff” stay with them.
Here’s an example of what “other people’s stuff” sounds like:
I have two friends who were given OPS about childbirth. For years before having children, both of these friends were told that childbirth was painful. In fact, Elizabeth was told that it was the most painful experience she would ever go through.
Did you catch that? It was other people’s ‘stuff’. It was someone else’s opinion based on her own experience or the collective experience of others. That lady was trying to gift her ‘stuff’ to my friend. Elizabeth is a smart cookie though & didn’t accept the gift. Instead, she took a hypnotherapy course & had 2 completely pain-free birth experiences!
My other friend, Helen, had the same sort of experience with people ‘gifting’ her their stuff about pain & agony while delivering a child. She was really nervous & worried about it until one day another lady gave her a different gift that she like much better. This other women came from a different culture and described a much more joyous experience with not even a mention of pain. Helen did her research and discovered more pain-free birth stories. She didn’t have drugs during her delivery for either of her two children. She was thrilled that she overcame other people’s ‘stuff’.
And now both of these ladies give their gifts to others.
Rules that people have in life can also be “given” to you. Someone once told me that me working on my own business and withdrawing from my friends for a few weeks was “aggressive.” Yes, focusing on your own business was “aggressive” to this person. It was her meaning that she created in her own mind. It was her own rule. It was her own STUFF!
Another person told me that she was extremely upset at me for not commenting on her FB posts even though hundreds of others had. For her, if you weren’t on FB every day commenting, you couldn’t be her friend. Again, her rules, her stuff.
Even at work, people can give you their rules about the way you work. “You need to write the report before creating the powerpoint presentation for the group not after.” Does it really matter if both are done when they are needed to be done? “No one in our industry gets paid in advance.” No one? Or is that someone’s belief?
Other people’s stuff!
Be careful of what “stuff” you accept from others– especially when that stuff is going to limit your choices, your view of your life, your capabilities or your beliefs. Too many of us accept other people’s stuff blindly without really thinking about it. Take a week and give yourself a challenge of identifying other people’s stuff and consciously deciding whether you accept their stuff or not.
You don’t have to accept their stuff. It’s their ‘stuff’. It’s your choice. It’s ALWAYS your choice.